When and How to Tell Your Partner About Your Hirsutism
“When and How to Tell Your Partner about Your Hirsutism”… I’ve been contemplating whether or not to write this article for a while. Why? Because in the end, hairy or not, love is love and the fact, that you have hirsutism really shouldn’t and doesn’t matter. And while some women decide to simply not mention it, for many opening up to their partner proves to be difficult.
We’ve been conditioned by the media to believe, that soft hairless skin is the ultimate beauty standard. These unrealistic ideals, which cause lots of people to struggle with their body image, are often talked about with regards to weight and figure. Plus-size is only slowly starting to make its way into the mainstream. While some progress is being made for curvy women, the hairy problems many women with hirsutism face, are usually not mentioned. Only few know about Hirsutism and PCOS, although both conditions affect many women and some men.
Yes, talking to your significant other about your Hirsutism can indeed seem like a difficult conversation and many women take a long time until they have the courage to bring it up. I, too, have been in this situation. At the time I could have used some tips, so I’ve decided to write this post and offer some insights on what worked well for me.
Why Is It So Difficult To Tell Your Partner About Your Hirsutism
I have thought about this question quite a bit. Why is it so hard to bring up hirsutism in a new relationship? Afterall I wouldn’t have an issue telling my partner about birthmarks, scars or a condition like diabetes. So in theory talking about hirsutism shouldn’t be any different, right?!
What I’ve concluded is, that, what keeps us from opening up is fear of rejection. And while it is a daunting feeling, the good news is, that there are ways to overcome it. The video below is great, if you’re looking to gain some perspective.
When To Tell Your Partner About Your Hirsutism
Whether or when you want to tell your partner about hirsutism is really up to you. Many women choose to bring up the topic, when things are getting a little more serious and possibly intimate. Others, who simply aren’t bothered or remove the hair on a regular basis, tend to wait longer or simply don’t bring it up at all.
5 Tips for Talking to Your Partner about Hirsutism
So, you’ve decided you want to talk to your partner about hirsutism and don’t know where to start? Don’t worry! I have your back.
1. Stay Confident and Positive
When talking to other women with hirsutism, I am often surprised how hard we all are on ourselves. While all I see is a beautiful woman, all she seems to worry about is whether her chin is all smooth. Yes, hirsutism can for sure contribute to us feeling less confident, and anxious, but we really should do our best to combat these feelings. Don’t let negative thoughts stop you from opening up to your partner! And if you’re looking for a bit of a pep talk, head on over to my post with Tips on Gaining Confidence for Women with Hirsutism.
2. Be Open to Your Partner’s Questions
Both Hirsutism and PCOS are common conditions, yet not very well known. When you talk to your significant other about Hirsutism, they might have questions. I encourage you to be open to have an honest conversation with your partner and answer their questions. If you don’t know the answer, that’s ok. Your partner’s questions mean that they deeply care about you and want to learn more about the condition and also how they can help you.
3. Be Vulnerable
I don’t know about you, but I sometimes have the tendency to feel like I need to be strong for others. And while this is a great trait, it can sometimes keep you from sharing your true feelings with others. It is ok to be scared, worried and unhappy at times. And it is also ok to share those feelings with your partner. While it can be difficult to be vulnerable, it is the best way to help your partner understand how your condition affects you and what they can do to support you in a way, that works for you.
4. Don’t Let Hirsutism Take Over Your Relationship
To many women with hirsutism, the symptoms are a constant worry and it can sometimes feel like the condition is running (and at times ruining) your life. While I can relate to this feeling, I want to encourage you to work on letting it and yourself go sometimes. Constant insecurity can lead you to become both emotionally and physically unavailable, which can greatly affect your relationship. Remember: There is more to life, than body hair. You are beautiful, amazing and loved by your partner. So don’t let hirsutism take over your relationship.
Stories of Encouragement from Women with Hirsutism
If you visit this blog on a regular basis, you probably know that I am a huge proponent of online support groups (here’s a list of my favorite ones). There is just something really comforting about reading and learning from other women’s experiences. The topic of “Hirsutism and Relationships” regularly comes up in those communities as well. Just recently I stumbled upon this thread on Reddit, in which a user asks: Hirsutism: “When and how did you tell your partner?”. Lots of women weighed in and I thought I’d share some of their experiences and recommendations with you.
I told my boyfriend in the beginning. Like when we were just starting to get to know each other and were flirting. I said that I have a hormone imbalance so I have a lot of extra hair. He seemed more sympathetic than anything. He’s a pretty hairy man though so I think he could understand. We’ve been together for for about 3 years and it never really bothers him but I try to shave everyday.
Told partner very early on about my medical condition and he wasn’t concerned with it at all. Sometimes he helps me get those hard to reach areas and Im so grateful. A lot of us place extra body hair in a pedestal and its only because we’re mostly preoccupied with the embarrassment of it. Real life experience has taught me the only person who really cares, is us.
It took me 5 years before I had the courage to tell my SO about the fact that I had been shaving my face since (and before) we had started dating. I was brought to tears by how understanding he was and that he told me I could have told him the whole time and he wouldn’t have cared. I had to tell him one day a few years ago because I had a doctor’s appointment that required me to grow out my facial hair to prove my hirsutism, and I just wanted to come out and explain it to him instead of him finding out by accident by touching my face or something then freaking out.
Honestly, I think it was close to a year before I really came out about it. I had tried to hide it for so long, putting nair on every part of my body- even where it stung. He said he has kind of noticed but didn’t care at all. We’re engaged now and have been together for 5 years, he literally couldn’t care less about the hair!
I’m wondering, is it really something so important that you NEED to tell your partner? If you remove it regularly does it make any difference if you tell them outright? Maybe in passing if it comes up but it’s not like on a second date you have to break the news.
I told my husband on our first date. I didn’t want him to be surprised when we started kissing or making out. He gave zero fucks about it and we have been together 6 happy years now. You need to find someone you can truly be you with, pcos and all. If he cares about you, he won’t care about the hair.
The bottom line? If you feel, like you’d like to talk to your partner about it, be sure that there’s a big chance they’ll be supportive. Hopefully our tips help you, when you decide to you that conversation.
What about you? Have you talked to a significant other about your Hirsutism? Share your story in the comments!