Dating with Hirsutism: This Is What It’s Really Like

Short answer: For many women, hirsutism makes dating and intimacy harder: Worrying about stubble, avoiding touch and planning dates around hair removal. Research backs this up. In one study, women with facial hair rated their quality of life lowest in the social and relationship areas.^[1] Below, Sarah shares what dating with hirsutism is like for her, and we add what the evidence says about getting support.

From our survey: Dating and intimacy were among the most common worries women described in our survey of 269 women with hirsutism. 80% said it had affected their personal life. See the full results.

This post was written by Sarah, a 30-year-old expat living in the UK. Sarah has idiopathic hirsutism, which means her doctors found no underlying hormone problem. That is the case for about 5% to 20% of women with hirsutism. Most of the rest have PMOS, the condition called polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) until 2026.^[3][4] Notes from the myHirsutism team are marked as such.

I still can’t get myself to love the coarse hair that grows in places on my body where I don’t want it. Hirsutism has shaped my life in so many ways, and I rarely feel pretty. My dating life has been difficult since I was a teenager.

I don’t blame hirsutism for being single, and this isn’t a rant about men. The real problem is how I feel about myself. I have never told a partner about my body hair. I’m terrified of being judged or rejected. And if I don’t love myself, why should anyone else?

What dating with hirsutism is like

Dating is hard enough. With hirsutism, there is a whole extra layer of worry. Will he feel my stubble? How do I stop him from touching my face? How do I say no to sex without explaining why? I often feel like my hirsutism is making the decisions for me.

In my early twenties I shaved my chin and sideburns. Within hours the stubble was back, and after nights out I dreaded the morning light, because I was sure everyone could see it. When a friend joked about women who shave “on the go,” I bought a travel razor the next day. Not for my legs. For my face.

Whether I would go home with someone depended on when I had last waxed. I avoid oral sex because of the stubble on my inner thighs. I keep a partner away from my nipples because of the hair around them. And my chin is a constant battle. Even a casual coffee date leaves me wondering whether I’m being judged.

What the research says (myHirsutism team)

Sarah’s experience is common. In a UK study of 88 women with facial hair, women spent an average of 104 minutes a week managing it. Two thirds kept checking mirrors, three quarters checked by touch, and 40% felt uncomfortable in social situations.^[1] The International PCOS Guideline asks doctors to recognize that hirsutism can affect body image and sexual well-being, and to ask about it.^[2] If this affects you, it is a valid thing to raise with your doctor.

Relationships and hirsutism

I have dated men who were really into me. But I was always stressed about keeping up with hair removal and scared they would leave once they noticed.

My first love

In my late teens, I joked to my first boyfriend that he would leave me for a pretty Greek girl. He laughed and said: “No, I don’t wanna be with a hairy Greek girl! Never ever!” I laughed along, but it hurt. After that I removed my hair even more aggressively and ended up with razor burn, cuts and bumps. I knew very little about safe hair removal back then. We broke up long ago, but that comment has stayed with me.

My last relationship

My most recent boyfriend was a doctor who started working early shifts. So I set my alarm for 4:45 a.m. to pluck, shave and put on foundation before he woke up. I needed those extra 15 minutes to “manage” my facial hair so I could look normal, desirable and pretty. We have since broken up, and I’m already dreading dating again.

Safer hair removal (myHirsutism team)

Razor burn, cuts and bumps are common when you shave often and in a hurry. Our guides to shaving your face as a woman and preventing razor bumps and ingrown hairs explain how to shave with less irritation.

Learning to love myself

I know many women with hirsutism have loving relationships, and I want that too. So I’m taking a break from dating for a few months to focus on myself.

I have also decided to try IPL (intense pulsed light) on my chin. Part of me feels like that is cheating. I will share how it goes here on the blog.

Does laser or IPL help? (myHirsutism team)

Evidence: Strong The Endocrine Society guideline suggests light-based hair removal (laser or IPL) for women with brown or black hair who choose direct hair removal, and electrolysis for white or blonde hair.^[3] It also warns that women with darker skin, and Mediterranean or Middle Eastern women with facial hirsutism, have a risk of paradoxical hypertrichosis, where treatment triggers more hair growth, so electrolysis or a cream may be a better fit for them.^[3] Adding eflornithine cream can speed up results, and women with high androgen levels may need medication to limit regrowth.^[3] Read our full guide to permanent hair removal with laser, IPL and electrolysis.

Tips for dating with hirsutism

These are practical ideas from women in our community, not medical advice:

• You decide what and when to share. There is no rule that you must explain your hair on a first date. Our guide on when and how to tell your partner about hirsutism can help when you feel ready.
• Pick dates that feel comfortable. Evening plans or activities that don’t involve swimming can take the pressure off while you build trust.
• Pay attention to how people react. Someone who mocks a medical condition is showing you who they are.
• Remember that hair removal is optional. Some women remove everything, some remove nothing. Both are fine.

When to get support

If dating anxiety, shame or low mood are taking over, you don’t have to handle it alone. Women with PMOS who have depression or anxiety should be offered psychological therapy, and the guideline names cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) as an option.^[2] CBT is a talking therapy that helps you change unhelpful thought patterns and usually takes 5 to 15 sessions.^[5] Read more about the emotional side of hirsutism and how to cope, or find others who understand in our list of hirsutism support groups.

See a doctor about the hair itself too, especially if it appeared suddenly, is getting worse quickly, or comes with a deepening voice, an enlarged clitoris or irregular or missing periods.^[3] You can start with our hirsutism self-check.

Frequently asked questions

Will my partner notice my facial hair?

Maybe, and that is OK. Hirsutism is a medical condition, not a flaw. Some women feel better keeping up hair removal while dating, others decide to be open early. If someone treats you badly because of it, that says more about them than about you.

Should I tell someone I’m dating that I have hirsutism?

That is your choice, and there is no deadline. Many women find it easier once trust has built up.

Can hirsutism affect your sex life?

Yes. Hirsutism can affect body image and sexual well-being, and guidelines encourage doctors to ask about it.^[2] Talking to a doctor or therapist can help.

Key takeaways

• Worrying about stubble, touch and intimacy is a very common part of dating with hirsutism.
• Studies show hirsutism affects social life and relationships the most.^[1]
• Laser or IPL is a guideline-supported option for dark hair, but it has risks for some skin types.
• If anxiety or low mood are taking over, talking therapy such as CBT can help.

Sources

1. Lipton MG, Sherr L, Elford J, Rustin MH, Clayton WJ. Women living with facial hair: the psychological and behavioral burden. J Psychosom Res. 2006;61(2):161-168. PubMed 16880018
2. Teede HJ, Tay CT, Laven JJE, et al. Recommendations From the 2023 International Evidence-based Guideline for the Assessment and Management of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2023;108(10):2447-2469. PubMed 37580314
3. Martin KA, Anderson RR, Chang RJ, et al. Evaluation and Treatment of Hirsutism in Premenopausal Women: An Endocrine Society Clinical Practice Guideline. J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2018;103(4):1233-1257. PubMed 29522147
4. Teede HJ, et al. Polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome, the new name for polycystic ovary syndrome: a multistep global consensus process. Lancet. 2026;407(10545):2329-2339. Published online May 12, 2026. PubMed 42119588
5. NHS. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT): Overview. Accessed October 2026. Link

This article is for education and is not medical advice. Talk to a doctor about diagnosis and treatment.