Short answer: The most helpful thing you can do is listen without judging, believe how much it affects her, and let her lead. You can also learn the basics, encourage her to see a doctor if she hasn’t, and offer practical help if she wants it. Avoid comments about her hair, unrequested product tips, and phrases like “I can’t even see it.”
If a friend, sister, daughter or partner has told you she has hirsutism, she has trusted you with something many women keep secret for years. Hirsutism means thick, dark hair growing in a male-like pattern, for example on the face, chest, stomach or back.[3] It is common, but it is rarely talked about, so she may never have said it out loud before.
It also weighs more than many people realize. In a UK survey of 88 women with unwanted facial hair, women spent an average of 104 minutes a week dealing with it, 67% constantly checked their faces in mirrors, 40% felt uncomfortable in social situations, and 75% had clinical levels of anxiety.[1] A meta-analysis of 30 studies found that women with PCOS, now called PMOS, have about four times the odds of moderate to severe depressive symptoms compared with other women.[2] So your support matters.
How to support a friend with hirsutism
Listen first
You can’t fix the hair, and she probably doesn’t expect you to. What helps most is being someone she can talk to without having to hide or explain. Ask open questions like “How are you doing with it?” and let her decide how much to share.
Take it seriously
Hirsutism is a medical symptom, not a vanity issue. The Endocrine Society notes that it is associated with significant personal distress, and that how much hair someone has doesn’t predict how upset she is about it.[3] A few hairs can be very distressing to one woman, while another with more hair is not bothered. Respect her experience, whatever you see.
Let her lead on hair removal
Removing hair, or not, is her choice. Don’t push her to remove it, and don’t push her to “embrace it” either. If she asks for help, for example with hard-to-reach areas on her back or neck, or with finding a reputable laser clinic, offer it without making a fuss.
Help with doctor visits if she wants
Many women put off seeing a doctor because the topic feels embarrassing. You can offer to help her prepare questions, go with her to an appointment, or look up which doctor to see for hirsutism.
Look out for her mood
Because anxiety and depression are common in women with PMOS, the 2023 international guideline recommends that doctors screen all women with the condition for both.[6] If your friend seems withdrawn, avoids social plans or says she feels hopeless, gently encourage her to talk to her doctor. If she ever talks about harming herself, help her contact a doctor or crisis line right away.
What not to say to someone with hirsutism
- “I can’t even see it.” It is meant kindly but can feel dismissive. She sees it, and she may spend a lot of time making sure you don’t.
- “Have you tried…?” Unless she asks, skip product tips and miracle cures. She has likely tried more than you know.
- “Just embrace it.” Some women do, and that is great. But it is her decision, not a solution you can hand her.
- Jokes about beards or mustaches, even affectionate ones.
- Telling other people without her permission.
How to talk to friends and family about hirsutism
If you are the one with hirsutism and want your friends and family to understand, these tips may help:
- Choose who and when. Start with one person you trust, in a calm, private moment.
- Keep the explanation simple. For example: “I have a hormone condition that makes me grow thick, dark hair on my face and body. It’s common, but people don’t talk about it.”
- Say what you need. Do you want advice, company at appointments, or just someone who knows? Tell them.
- Share a resource. Sending a link to an article like what is hirsutism or 10 things women with hirsutism want you to know can save you from explaining everything.
- Set boundaries. It is fine to ask relatives not to comment on your hair or suggest remedies.
For tips on a partner, see our guide on when and how to tell your partner.
What causes hirsutism? The basics for friends
Knowing a little about the causes can help you understand that this is not her fault. According to the Endocrine Society, the most common cause is PMOS, which affects 70% to 80% of women with hirsutism.[3] PMOS, previously called polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), was renamed in 2026 and affects about 1 in 8 women.[7] Other causes include idiopathic hirsutism, where no hormonal problem is found, non-classic congenital adrenal hyperplasia (an inherited adrenal condition), certain medicines such as anabolic steroids and valproic acid (an epilepsy drug), and, rarely, hormone-producing tumors.[3] More details are in what causes hirsutism.
What treatment is available?
A doctor should first find the cause, because that guides treatment. Here is a short overview so you know what your friend may be going through.
Hair removal at home
Evidence: Strong Shaving, waxing, plucking, hair removal creams and bleaching are recommended first steps by the NHS.[4] They work, but only temporarily, so they have to be repeated often. See our guide to shaving your face as a woman.
Medicines
Evidence: Strong For most women who are not trying to get pregnant, the Endocrine Society suggests birth control pills as the first medicine.[3] Anti-androgens such as spironolactone can be added, but should not be used alone without reliable contraception, because they can harm a developing baby.[3] Medicines work slowly: the guideline suggests trying one for at least 6 months before changing it.[3] A Cochrane review of 157 studies found that pills and spironolactone reduce hair growth, though much of the evidence is low quality.[5] Read more about hirsutism medication.
Laser hair removal and electrolysis
Evidence: Strong Laser, light-based hair removal and electrolysis can give longer-lasting results and can be added to medicine.[3] The NHS notes that they are usually not permanent, are usually not available on the NHS, can be expensive, and carry some risks, so it is worth researching providers carefully.[4] See our guide to permanent hair removal.
Supplements and natural remedies
Many women try supplements or teas. The evidence for these is far weaker than for medicines, and supplement quality is not well regulated, so it is best to talk to a doctor before starting anything, especially alongside other medicines. We have graded the evidence in our guide to supplements for hirsutism.
Because treatment is slow, the Cochrane review authors recommend combining medicines with cosmetic hair removal and psychological support.[5] That is where you come in.
When should your friend see a doctor?
Encourage her to see a doctor if she has never been checked, especially if she also has irregular periods.[4] She should go soon if new thick, dark hair appears suddenly on her face and body, if her voice is getting deeper or her muscles are getting bigger.[4] An enlarged clitoris is another warning sign of virilization, which needs prompt checks.[3] She can also try our hirsutism self-check first.
Frequently asked questions
How can I help a friend with hirsutism?
Listen without judging, take her feelings seriously, and let her decide what she wants to do about the hair. Offer practical help, such as company at a doctor’s appointment, only if she wants it.
What should I not say to someone with excess hair?
Avoid “I can’t even see it,” unrequested product tips, jokes about beards, and telling others without her permission. These can feel dismissive or hurtful, even when meant kindly.
How do I tell my family I have hirsutism?
Start with one trusted person, keep the explanation short, and say what kind of support you want. Sharing a reliable article can help them understand without you having to explain every detail.
Can hirsutism be treated?
Yes. Birth control pills, anti-androgens, and laser or electrolysis can reduce hair, and they work best combined.[3] Medicines take at least 6 months to show their effect.[3]
Is hirsutism serious?
Usually not dangerous, but it can affect mental health, and the most common cause, PMOS, also affects metabolism and periods. Sudden hair growth or signs like a deepening voice need prompt medical attention.[4]
Key takeaways
- Hirsutism often causes real distress, and women with PMOS have high rates of anxiety and depression.
- The best support is listening, taking her seriously, and letting her lead on hair removal and treatment.
- Avoid dismissive comments, unrequested remedies and jokes about her hair.
- Effective treatments exist, but they are slow, so emotional support matters alongside medical care.
- Sudden hair growth, a deepening voice or other signs of virilization need a prompt doctor visit.
Free: The Hirsutism Action Plan
A 12-page guide: what’s causing your hair growth, which tests to ask your doctor for, and which treatments actually work, plus a printable doctor visit checklist.
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Sources
- Lipton MG, Sherr L, Elford J, Rustin MH, Clayton WJ. Women living with facial hair: the psychological and behavioral burden. J Psychosom Res. 2006;61(2):161-168. PubMed 16880018
- Cooney LG, Lee I, Sammel MD, Dokras A. High prevalence of moderate and severe depressive and anxiety symptoms in polycystic ovary syndrome: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Hum Reprod. 2017;32(5):1075-1091. doi:10.1093/humrep/dex044
- Martin KA, Anderson RR, Chang RJ, et al. Evaluation and Treatment of Hirsutism in Premenopausal Women: An Endocrine Society Clinical Practice Guideline. J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2018;103(4):1233-1257. PubMed 29522147
- NHS. Hirsutism. Accessed October 2026. Link
- van Zuuren EJ, Fedorowicz Z, Carter B, Pandis N. Interventions for hirsutism (excluding laser and photoepilation therapy alone). Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2015. Plain language summary, Cochrane. Accessed October 2026. Link
- Teede HJ, Tay CT, Laven JJE, et al. Recommendations From the 2023 International Evidence-based Guideline for the Assessment and Management of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2023;108(10):2447-2469. PubMed 37580314
- Teede HJ, Khomami MB, Morman R, et al. Polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome, the new name for polycystic ovary syndrome: a multistep global consensus process. Lancet. 2026;407(10545):2329-2339. PubMed 42119588
This article is for education and is not medical advice. Talk to a doctor about diagnosis and treatment.